Take Control of Your Life Today!

How can you feel in control when it seems like nothing is going right? 

Taking control of your life doesn’t mean you control everything that happens. It means confidently moving forward with your own goals and priorities, while embracing change as an inevitable part of life. 

These strategies are aimed at helping you getting clarity on who you are and what you really want out of life. They will help you stop getting sidelined by other people’s priorities and go with the flow when things don’t go as planned. 

These Life Coaching strategies will show you how to manage your emotions, thoughts and behaviours to start taking control of your life.

Clarify your core values and beliefs.

Your core values are what really matter to you, they shape who you are. When you discover your core values, you can connect to your true identity.

Happiness and a meaningful life might look very different for different people. You may consider family and serving your community the most important parts of your life while someone else may prioritise freedom and adventure.

Not being clear on your priorities might create internal conflicts. Have you ever felt guilty about not spending enough time with your children and at the same time feeling you should work more hours, visit your parents and friends more often, exercise more… the list is endless, and the more you try to do the right thing, the more you feel you’re letting someone down.

The more responsibilities you have in our life, the more difficult it might feel to prioritise but having a greater self-awareness and clarity on your core values will help you make decisions around pursuing passions, long-term career goals, and relationships. Defining your core values and beliefs are at the heart of life coaching and I would be happy to help you discover them with you. It is worth noting that these core values evolve as we get older: the freedom we cherish as a 20 year old might not be as paramount in our 30’s or 40’s as we start a family. 50’s, 60’s are also important milestones. It’s no wonder why most people go through midlife crisis: their priorities have changed but they haven’t made the life changes to reflect their new values, often feeling stuck and dissatisfied.

Redefining your priorities will help you move forward, enjoy your family and your work and find the time for self-care. You will gain a firm sense of self and be able to differentiate between internal motivators - what drives you and fill you with passion and purpose - and external motivators, for example expectations set by your parents, partner, friends, or society. You will be able to set healthy boundaries, live your life according to your own standards, unapologetically!

Overcome limiting beliefs

Beware of negative self-talk. Does your internal voice say things like:

“You’re not good enough.”

“You can’t do it.”

“That won’t work.”

Often this type of limited thinking comes from our childhood. It’s that voice of a parent who didn’t give you enough praise. It’s that child in school who was always waiting for you to mess up. Life coaching will help you getting a greater awareness of the limiting beliefs that hold you back and increase your confidence by showing you how to replace negative self-talk by positive affirmations.

If facing the first hurdle, you are in the habit (consciously or unconsciously) of telling yourself it’s not going to work, you are very likely to give up. If self-doubt has been controlling your life for years, hypnotherapy and NLP can help you form alternative ways of thinking, giving you the motivation to pursue your goals. You will start seeing failure as an opportunity to grow and improve.

For sufferers of the imposter syndrome, this means getting over the fear that you won't live up to people’s expectations and stop attributing your success to luck. Finally you will be able to enjoy your success!

Develop a growth mindset

To start believing in yourself, you have to stop believing you are stuck with the skills and abilities you have right now. This is called a fixed mindset, which is a limited thinking pattern that’s fatal to your success says Lyn Christian in Soul Salt.

Instead, start believing you can change. This way of thinking is called a growth mindset. It means that you believe change is possible.

It may be true that you don’t have what it takes to accomplish your goals — right now. But if you believe you can improve, develop, and learn, then you will get there — even when nothing goes right.

Have you noticed how confident people have the ability to bounce back after a setback? A key to success is resilience and grit.

Stepping outside of our comfort zone will feel uncomfortable at first, but very rewarding on the long run. As you start reaching your goals, no matter how small they are at first, your confidence will build and you will look forward to bigger challenges.

Turn your attention to the present

There are of course many contributing factors to the way you are experiencing life: your education, childhood, past experiences shape your personality. But the way you are paying attention to your thoughts is believed to be the biggest factor in your well-being according to Richard Carlson in his book Stop Thinking Start Living.

Dwelling on the past often lead to procrastination, leaving you feeling powerless and downplay the active role you have in your life and the influence of the choices you make.

As the French philosopher Voltaire said:

“Each player must accept the cards life deals him or her: but once they are in hand, he or she must alone decide how to play the cards in order to win the game”.

With life coaching I can help you understanding and reframing your thoughts.  

There are so many things we worry about. You might worry your job is at risk, a health issue, bills to pay, a difficult decision you have to take, a disagreement with your partner, etc… the negative emotion needs thoughts to feed it. Replaying in your head what happened or imagining all the possible things that could go wrong will only increase your anxiety. Instead take a deep breath and make the conscious decision to give your issue consideration later when you are less busy and calmer.

In the same way, regretting past mistakes and going over ‘what if’ scenarios will only foster feelings of pain and sadness. While you cannot change the past, you do have choices for your next steps going forward.

Psychologists Shelley Carson and Ellen Langer say there are “good mistakes” and “bad mistakes.” What makes the difference is how we respond to them. Good mistakes teach us valuable lessons. Bad mistakes are the ones we hide from in shame and regret. Emotional Freedom Therapy is very effective at releasing negative emotions like shame and guilt and exploring alternative options for going forward. Practicing mindfulness is also a wonderful way to reconnect with the present moment.

Let go of the things you can’t control

While it’s good to plan for the future, constantly planning for the worse can lead to anxiety and stop you from enjoying life.

Five hundred years ago, Montaigne said:

"My life has been filled with terrible misfortune; most of which never happened."

Now there's a study that proves it. This study looked into how many of our imagined calamities never materialize and concluded that 85% of what we worry about never happens (Don Joseph Goewey).

Beware of the word “should”: “this should not happen to me”, “I should have a more fulfilling job”, "my parents should be more supportive"… You might tend to blame someone else or the circumstances for your misfortunes. Feeling of entitlement can lead to inaction by taking away your power to change the situation or at least your choices as to how you respond to an event. You won’t hear mentally strong people complaining over lost luggage or traffic jams or see them sitting around feeling sorry for themselves. Instead, they focus on what they can control in their lives. In her book 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do, Amy Morin syas that mentally strong people recognise that sometimes, the only thing they can control is their attitude. This is the difference between reacting and responding. When you react to a situation, you let your emotions take control, you are like on auto-pilot. When you respond, you take a step back and allow yourself to consider and think about the situation, weight the options and make a thoughtful decision.

Ready to regain control of your life? Book your FREE 30 minute consultation by clicking on the form below or email charlotte@mindcraftcoaching.co.uk